I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
