you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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