i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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