I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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