Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
