Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
