i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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