found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
