I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
