I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
