Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
