how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
