apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
