i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
