The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
