everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
