What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
