White coat. Heels.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
