My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
