You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
