How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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