you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
