puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize