My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
