So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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