She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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