If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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