I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
