Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
