If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
babies were throwing up all over the place
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize