Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
