i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
