the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
