So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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