Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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