The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
