his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
