Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
