Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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