Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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