he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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