you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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