so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
