Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
