I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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