just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
