Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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