so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
