you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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