im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
