I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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