nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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