last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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