he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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