And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
