I need help removing her.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
