I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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