I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
