She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
