Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
