maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
