I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
