So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
