I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
