mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
