I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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