What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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