If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Boobs speak an international language.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize