big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
