Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
