Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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