i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
